I’m not sure if I still know how to blog, but well, I’ll try. I feel the need to explain where I have been not only because of the messages from I received, but because I owe it to myself too.
Oh, before I continue; my heart is still grieving over Manny Pacquiao’s defeat. I literally wanted to just get through my computer screen and boxercise the crap out of Marquez’s arse. I got knuckles of steel, did he not know that?
Going back, I got sick last December 1st with cough, fever and body weakness. To make it short, I had a flu. Not to mention my head being all confused, Spinning and shiz when it knows very well that it’s legs’ job. Don’t get me started on my sore throat! I sounded like a tranny, someone called me “sir” over the phone.
I missed workout for a week, and because I don’t have that much strength to cook and prepare my own food, I ate whatever is there. Mostly veggies, and carbs, and protein. Although not that organized, I didn’t go over my calorie limit. At one point, it felt like I was using my flu as an excuse.
Last week was really hell. I’m just glad I’m back on the trail. Still got cough, still not there but it’s my first day back yesterday. I’ll get better.
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DAYS!
It has been 150 days, you guys. 150 days since I venture on this journey to health. 150 days since I woke up, and decided that IT’S TIME; that something has to change.
150 days since I took a chance, asked for help.
150 days since I realized that I have been throwing my life away, my future.
Nothing has been easy since Day 1.
Not a day without pain
Not a day without a fight.
I put all the weight to myself, so I am the only one who can take it off.
I started this battle to obesity with ME on my mind, and bet your ass I’m gonna finish it strong.
“To the end, to the top.” as what my fitness angel would say.
Every pedal, every drip of sweat; Every push and every little steps; IT ALL FREAKING COUNTS!
Every walk away from Mom’s cakes, every head shake on those sinful foods; I CAN HEAR MY BODY THANKING ME!
Every “push through the pain” moments, every “I’m gonna die” episodes; THAT IS WHERE CHANGE HAPPENS.
Yes, it has been hard.
Yes, there are bad days.
Yes, there are occasional slip ups.
But I am not, will not, and cannot be stopped.
Photo of me in green = weight was 115.5kg
Photo of me in yellow = current weight is 99kg
Long time, huh? It’s been what? 5 months? I heard you’re off the 100kg! 2 digits! Way to go!
Do you remember how when you first started using that damn treadmill? The highest speed you can take was 3.8, haha! Or that time where you wanted so bad to reach speed 6, but the moment you go beyond 5.5, your ankles would curse you and you’d feel so much pain you can’t breathe?
Do you remember your first time on speed 6? Nouf told you to slow down because you were walking incorrectly, and you don’t know any other way how to because that’s how you’ve been walking all your life.
YOU DIDN’T STOP.
Do you remember your first Spinning class? It was with Abeer. How long did you last? That’s right, you remember! 20 minutes. That pain in between your legs, on your thighs, on the ankles, the joints, everywhere! That 2nd class with Lenka, and the 3rd with Nouf where you learned how to actually spin right.
Do you remember how weak your legs were that you would just stay seated on your bike while your classmates were up on position 2 and jumping or running? How you’d rest before the instructor tells you to take off the resistance. Do you remember your first few rises though? How it felt? Your first few jumps? How sore you were after that first 90 minute class.
YOU DIDN’T STOP.
Do you remember your first Muscle Mania? Your first Easy Line? Your heart rate would go wild on doing the basic steps. That running at the end of Mania, how everybody would go pass by you, and there was this one time where Nouf ran behind you so she could push you to make you not stop. Your breathing was labored, and everything seemed blurry, and unending.
STILL, YOU DIDN’T STOP.
How much speed on the treadmill can you go now? 10, right? I know that’s only for a minute, but, hey! ACHIEVEMENT! You can run on 7 for 6 minutes, that’s good!
How many Spinning classes have you attended since June? I know, you don’t know. I lost count too. You can little by little keep up with everybody else! YAY!
Now, you have to sing along with the music doing Easyline so your heart rate would rise. Yes, people still pass through you in Muscle Mania, but girl, you get to overtake others now too. Hollah!
BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T STOP.
Of course, you still catch your breath doing your workouts. You sometimes get tired earlier that others, that’s fine.
AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT STOP
Now listen to me. I know you’re physically and mentally drained right now. A lot running through your head. Work has been difficult, boss being a pain in the ass, and everything else.
Yes, you’re far from where you once were, but you’re not quite there yet. Let me tell you something. Hear me out.
MAKE ME YOUR MOTIVATION. You don’t want me back, do you?
WORK HARD to not have the same laboratory results as what I had.
STRIVE to never see me again.
YOU GOTTA KEEP GOING. YOU HAVE TO.
YOU WERE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THIS FAR. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO GO FARTHER.
YOU GOT THIS.
Remember, I care about you. That’s the reason we started in the first place.
All my love,
I want to blog about my bat wings, for some reason.
I am aware of loose skins before, and the thought of me having them is not scary at all. Actually, I have them now. See the photo? It’s a bit crazy though, how smaller my arms look without the extra skin. Don’t you think?
Well anyway, a doctor at work discussed this to me last week and he said that I shouldn’t worry (which I’m not, BTW) because I’m only 24 and my skin’s elasticity is still there so.. He as well emphasized that I must continue exercising; I don’t know why he thought I have plans to stop, though.
100 Days of PAIN, of TEARS, of PUSHING, of ENDURING.
100 Days of cravings, of hunger pang attacks, of self-control.
WEIGH-INS, MEASUREMENT TAKING, ASSESSMENT, CRUNCH TEST, WRITING FOOD LOGS.
100 Days of not eating rice, nor fried foods.
100 Days of waking up in the morning wanting to give up, but chooses not to anyway.
HATING ON THE TREADMILL & MAKING LOVE WITH THE SPINNING BIKE
100 Days of limping after workouts
100 Days of self - discipline, of talking to myself that I GOT THIS.
THAT ORANGE AMBIANCE, THE PLEASING SMELL OF PERSPIRATION, THE GRUNTS, THE LOCKER CHATS.
100 Days of MOVING and SWEATING.
100 Days of drinking water like a boss.
100 Days of peeing like an underpaid employee.
PRAYING TO GOD THAT NOUF WOULD BLOW THAT FREAKING WHISTLE ALREADY DURING THE ABS CIRCUIT IN MUSCLE MANIA.
100 Days of finding the strength that I know I have underneath the fats.
100 Days of MIND-SETTING, of continuously looking for motivation.
100 Days of building up WILL POWER.
BAD DAYS, WORST DAYS, SICK DAYS, NOT-IN-THE-MOOD DAYS, STAY-IN-BED-FEELING DAYS.
100 Days of NOT GIVING IN
100 Days of NOT GIVING UP
It has been 100 days since I started this journey. 100 days of choosing to be healthy. 100 days since Salome gave me the opportunity of a lifetime.
OF ALL THAT IS SAID AND DONE, I HAVE 4 WORDS.
IT’S PAKING WORTH IT!
en·er·gy noun /ˈenərjē/ - A feeling of possessing such strength and vitality
blaze noun /blāz/ - Used in various expressions of anger, bewilderment, or surprise as a euphemism for “hell”.
Okay, so there’s a new class offered at Kinetico called NRGBLAZE which is actually read as ENERGY BLAZE. Its instructor is no other than Nouf, which we all know is *all together now please* the devil who wears Nike. That’s right! The first time I heard about this, she was announcing it before the start of her Spinning class, she was like..
“We have a new class, you guys. Energy Blaze, this is for the FIT. You gotta be fit to do this class.”
I had no idea what the class is about, but as what Nouf said, the whole 107 kilogram me ditched the idea of doing it. I am no where near FIT. So, NO. Heck no. BUT THEN, one day last week, Nouf informed me that she wanted me prepared for the said class. Apparently, all you do in NRGBLAZE is Spinning and Treadmill. That is 2 of my hatest machines combined in one class. WATDAPAK RIGHT?
So anyways, fast forward to Wednesday. My heart was pounding hours before I even get to the gym. I didn’t attend Nouf’s Spinning class before that because I want to conserve my energy. 6:30 came, and I went to the spot. Lo and behold, all 6 treadmills and 6 Spinning bikes were already occupied. MWAHAHAHAHA! I was so ready to go down and attend Saba’s Spinning class instead when one of the girls, the pretty Haifa gave up her bike so I could do the shiz. Nouf told me to thank her, but I wasn’t sure if I really should. (Of course, I did thank her)
Okay, I really don’t know how to proceed with my writing from here on. BWAHAHAHA! I was crying on the inside during the class. My eyes were hurting from me trying to hold back tears, it wasn’t even funny.
1st 6 minutes, I was at the Spinning bike. 2nd 6 minutes, I hopped on the treadmill; this interchange continued until we finish the 45 minutes. Here’s the deal with 6 minutes. Every time I’m on the bike trying to catch my breath, it goes by so quickly. And when I’m on the treadmill, running with a speed of 7 and inclination of 2, hanging on for dear life, it’s like a whole hour. God knows how I wanted to stop the time and let the other team stay on that freaking treadmill.
Nouf told me to “THINK LIGHT. THINK FEATHER” and all I can think of is a 107 kilogram feather!
Nouf also was all..
“Come on Rache, you’re almost there!”
“RUN Rache! You’re almost done”
“Let’s go Rache! Let’s go! ALMOST THERE!”
“Don’t give up, Rache! Almost done”
She has been telling me these phrases since the first 6mins until we finish the 45 min class. “ALMOST THERE” my arse. bahahahaha! Don’t get me wrong though, I love her. I just didn’t love her at the time.
To be honest, I was crying out of pain, anxiety, and the intensity of the exercise. It was so hard, I wanted to just.. RAWR! hahahaha! I know I’m not making sense any more, but I really don’t know how to blog this.
The aftermath though, was amazing. The endorphin boost relieved the pain for quite a while but walking to the house gate, and all throughout the night until the morning after, I WAS LIMPING.
HAPPY 3rd MONTHSARRY TO ME AND MY BODY!
Yes, every 19th of the month, I celebrate my healthy relationship with my body! Woop! *pats self on the back* Yes, I know that looks foolish, but.. I don’t care! Mwahahaha! So, what has happened so far?
Well, I lost a total of 22.1 kgs (48.62 lbs)! Imagine, a normal toddler, a 2 yr old weighs approximately 25 lbs. My mind was blown to the idea that I have been carrying almost 2 toddlers inside my body all this time. CREEPY!
Good news! My kidsister celebrated her 12th birthday and I managed to do 2 batches of cupcakes without even eating one. I may have licked an icing off my fingers, but other than that.. Nothing was put into my mouth which was unhealthy.
My workout shoes had its first bust. Bahaha! It got ripped somewhere on the sides. I am starting to save up for a new one. :) I also included a picture of me with clothes all sweaty, just because.
3rd photo is me trying out the tops that were on SALE - another reason to thank God. I am not kidding you, SALE in this country is crazy! I also bought clothes that are 2 sizes smaller than what I wear now. Just so I have something to look forward to. :)
I hope you people, don’t think that I have no downs in this journey. That I don’t slip, trip, and fall. That I eat straight up healthy, because if you think that I have figured everything out by now, YOU’RE WRONG!
I still catch my breath doing exercises, and classes. I still have pains on my ankles, my heels still curse me.. I have, and will always HATE treadmill. My legs still give up in Spinning. I still look like an ass doing steps. But you know what? I BELIEVE I’M GETTING BETTER AT IT.
I still have cravings. I sometimes taste food I shouldn’t. I roll my eyes at the sight of veggies out of boredom too, but hey! I AM NOT GIVING IN COMPLETELY. Choosing to fight is what I have started, and I am certain that I can get through all this.
It isn’t easy, you guys. I have said this before, and I will continue to say it. I know you guys know what I’m talking about. What we do, is NEVER easy. Yes, indeed, I have come so far, but I still got a long way to go.
I may be a bit overwhelmed sometimes, but I won’t stop.
I may be a bit lazy to go to Kinetico and work out, but I won’t stop.
I may be skipping a workout, or 2 in a week, but I won’t stop.
I may be feeling like crap, and tired as hell often, but I won’t stop.
I may tear up and pause most of the time, but I won’t stop.
I may suck at doing the steps, but I won’t stop.
I may not like treadmill, but I won’t stop.
I may be in pain, but I won’t stop.
I may not always get changes during weigh ins, but I won’t stop.
Because I’m worth it. Because for once, I am doing something for me. Because I know I was made to be awesome. Because I believe that I deserve to be someone, and more.
PAIN - Inside and Outside
A family friend asked me if I am still having pains from working out. Haha! Pain you say?
I greet PAIN good morning everyday
I eat PAIN for breakfast
I laugh in the face of PAIN
I celebrate PAIN
PAIN is my friend
I make love with PAIN every night
See, I have learned to embrace pain. Pain is now my comfort zone. I go paranoid when I don’t feel pain. I know that without it, I’m not doing things right. I have said this before, PAIN is my weapon. Pain is my gauge that I’m still doing something.
This weight loss journey I’m on, it has taught me lots of things. People would say that, “Keep going, it will get easier.” It’s actually FALSE. WORKING OUT doesn’t get easier as we go on. Our body definitely will adapt to it, but it’s the same workout. We get better at doing it instead.
The things we do to be healthy? NOT EASY! Nothing is ever easy in fighting obesity. Nothing is ever easy in choosing to be healthy But as what Jillian Michaels said, and may I quote:
At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility.
The first time I talked to Salome from the gym, she told me that I will be in a lot of pain both on the inside, and out. SHE’S RIGHT. I have been in war with my cravings, and my hunger pangs for the longest time in my life. But you know what? The inner pride I feel after saying NO to that piece of cake my Mom made last night is self gratifying enough. Every time I shake my head with all the unnecessary food that are being given to me, I know I am choosing my health. And every time I choose my health over my love for food, I know my body is thankful.
So I tried a new home workout yesterday, it’s called WALK AT HOME with Leslie Sansone. Before I continue my raves on this video, I’d like to do a shout out thanks to Victoria of lil-miss-chubby.tumblr.com. It is from her posts that I have learned all about this amazing way to sweat.
Okay! On with the rave! I am a bit bummed out that I have not discovered about this earlier. Why? See, the pain I get from doing the treadmill is the same as what this video workout gives me. I swear, I am not even kidding. I got a hold of 2 of her video workouts - Walk Away The Pounds and 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk. I have done the latter last night, and as you can see from the photo above, my Polar indicates it’s not bad at all. Just a few hours ago, I tried the Walk Away The Pounds (4 miles) and I loved it both; very very fun to do. Not to mention, the “walkers” are aging from 20’s to 70’s making you motivated to do the whole 4 mile challenge.
You might think about it as boring. Who goes on a walk at home anyway, right? Well, guess what?! I would choose Leslie workouts over 30 Day Shred in a heartbeat, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jillian but 30DS I think, is focused on strength/power, while Leslie’a is more on cardio stuff and that is what I need.
I give 2 thumbs up for this workout home video. Okay, 4 thumbs up including my toe thumbs. You guys should try it! :)
Today, my healthy relationship with my body turns 2. Yay! It has been exactly two months now since I started to choose fighting - 62 days, and counting!
Because of this, progress report is in order.
I have already mentioned on my last post that I was feeling crappy for reasons I am not sure of. I tried to snap out of it, several times but I still feel like shiz. This morning though, my knuckles decided to show up and I was like… HELLO THERE, LITTLE ONES! Fyi, I haven’t seen my knuckles for as long as I can remember. They’re just not there. During my earlier weigh-ins, I have informed my guardian angel about this, actually (read all about it here). See the middle photo? Yes, all my knuckles may not be visible yet, but I can see them now! I can freaking see them! I actually cried before taking that photo, and after. In fact, I look at them every time I remember they’re there, and my heart just swells.
Not literally of course.
I FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN HUMAN BEING UNDERGOING MILESTONES - VERY SURREAL.
Left photo shows my now ill-fitting pants. bahaha! Last time I shopped/checked, I was down 2 sizes. I used to wear a size 24 before my journey, and a month ago, I was down to a size 20. At present, I have no freaking idea, since I haven’t gone shopping yet. I’m still kinda enjoying how my clothes are loosely fit. mwahahahaha!
Now, on the last photo, you can see my uniform/lab coat. I can now fit into my Mom’s! hwahahaha! I was a bit surprised by this, to be honest. I could barely button it up last June, and 2 months after, I use it to go to work!
I’m now running out of things to say. I’m just so happy with what I have accomplished so far.