UPDAAAATE! Before I sleep, I need to blog what happened today. I can’t NOT! This day was a crazy one! 1st few hours at work, and I went bonkers! There were so many things to do, SO LITTLE TIME! And you know what the craziest part is? I got my period! Now I know the reason why I was craving those snickers, and Twix last week! Why I was having headaches, being sensitive, moody, and all. Haha! “Didn’t you expect your period?” you say? Well, this is the only time in my life that I had 3 months straight of menstruation, just so you know. Anyways, on with the weigh in updates! I lost a total of 5 freaking kilograms, family! That is a whooping 11 pounds! It’s so much better to use lbs instead of kilograms, noh? It’s like you’re losing a LOT more. mwahahahaha! I lost centimeters off from all my measurements too, EXCEPT from my waist (where I put on 3cms, apparently) which I find weird, said so my guardian angel as well. I’m too fly to be stressed, though! Yes, this is me putting my bling bling on, and rapping. Bwahahahahaha! Also! I was reunited with my lover, the Spinning bike! WOOP WOOP! I was afraid that I wouldn’t know how to use it again, but surprisingly, I still do! The pain I expected was lesser from that of the reality. :) I remember the last class I did before Kinetico closed up for August was Spinning, the first class I attended to A MONTH AFTER was again, SPINNING! Same instructor - the devil who wears Nike! The class was fun! My heart was all over the place, it went as high as 180 (my limit was 160) but screw it! I felt like I can take it, so.. I did it! VERY LIBERATING! Bwahahaha! A few minutes before the class ended though, they were still up and running, and I was there sitting. HAHA! I gave my all, and got tired! I joined them up again after maybe 2-3 minutes. KINETICO is so back! Instructors are really back! Everyone is back! Today is one of my favorite days EVER!
PAIN - Inside and Outside
A family friend asked me if I am still having pains from working out. Haha! Pain you say?
I greet PAIN good morning everyday
I eat PAIN for breakfast
I laugh in the face of PAIN
I celebrate PAIN
PAIN is my friend
I make love with PAIN every night
See, I have learned to embrace pain. Pain is now my comfort zone. I go paranoid when I don’t feel pain. I know that without it, I’m not doing things right. I have said this before, PAIN is my weapon. Pain is my gauge that I’m still doing something.
This weight loss journey I’m on, it has taught me lots of things. People would say that, “Keep going, it will get easier.” It’s actually FALSE. WORKING OUT doesn’t get easier as we go on. Our body definitely will adapt to it, but it’s the same workout. We get better at doing it instead.
The things we do to be healthy? NOT EASY! Nothing is ever easy in fighting obesity. Nothing is ever easy in choosing to be healthy But as what Jillian Michaels said, and may I quote:
At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility.
The first time I talked to Salome from the gym, she told me that I will be in a lot of pain both on the inside, and out. SHE’S RIGHT. I have been in war with my cravings, and my hunger pangs for the longest time in my life. But you know what? The inner pride I feel after saying NO to that piece of cake my Mom made last night is self gratifying enough. Every time I shake my head with all the unnecessary food that are being given to me, I know I am choosing my health. And every time I choose my health over my love for food, I know my body is thankful.
I really don’t know what happened to me this past week, but so far it was the hardest. I felt like crap, to be honest. Just so we’re all clear, I didn’t exactly fell off track. I just felt I don’t know. I still do exercises from what I can manage to do at home, I still stick to my diet.. It’s just that, I feel like I’m screwing things up.
Remember I told you I only get to track my weight and measurement progress at the gym? It has been a little more than 2 weeks now that I have NO freaking idea how much weight I’m losing, nor the numbers on my body measurements. Frankly speaking, I am not that excited to know even. Don’t get me wrong. I know from the very beginning that numbers don’t matter, and that every single effort I do is changing my body from the inside. I KNOW THAT. I know that very well.
Staying strong, is hard. Fighting this battle, is not easy. I don’t know how to explain what I feel. One minute I’m craving for this food, and then I would tear up, and just sob. It’s hard. It really is. I know this sounds crazy, but.. IT’S THE TRUTH!
One more thing, the physical activities I do these days are very less compared to what I do at Kinetico. Gahd, I miss that place. I miss the people, the staff, the instructors.
I miss the smell of sweat, I miss me in sweat, I miss everything. I miss the energy, specially. The energy in that place would would literally transcend to the core of my being. I miss the classes, I miss the grunts during Spinning, I miss me laughing at myself because of the awkward steps in Body Steps. I miss how I would sing during Muscle Mania and Easy Line, just so I could get my heart rate up.
That elation I feel, that sudden burst of endorphin afterwards. The blushing of my cheeks, my hair being all messy, my clothes being all sweaty and ragged. That pain so intense, it throbs.. I MISS EVERYTHING!
Before I forget, a shout out to Victoria of lil-miss-chubby.tumblr.com for hollering to check up on me. That really means a lot. <3
So I received this sms earlier today
The gym is closed until September, I know you know this already for I have been telling you all about it since this blog began. Last Saturday, fitness angel and I sat down and talked about my progress, plans, and all that.
We were at a coffee shop, and she said “You can have anything you want, my treat.” at first I was like.. “WOAH! IT’S A TRAP!” mwahahahaha!
So after 48 days of not letting a smoothie and/or pastry land on my oral cavity, SHE ALLOWED ME TO HAVE THAT DAY. I felt a bit guilty, but the sweet tooth in me was overjoyed.
I first showed her the video 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30. She insisted that I stay on doing the 30DS instead of the latter. So, that’s where I’m sticking to. We then reviewed my first ever food journal; she was reading each log I made, and I didn’t wanna hear it. IT WAS CRAZY! Then, we discussed on the progress I made. How my heart is happier, healthier, and fitter now - THIS IS WHAT I WANT. From the beginning, HEALTH is what I’m after.
She also said..
“I’m letting my baby fly, I can see your wings now.”
I was a bit jaded, and proud at the same time because she believes in me. However, it’s scaring the shiz out of my being! For 5 weeks, I’ll be on my own - and every time since Saturday, I was like.. “DAPAK AM I DOING?” bwahahahahaha!
Not to mention, if I got wings for real, IT WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO CARRY ME STILL!
We made plans to meet every Saturday for measurement-taking, but weigh-in’s aren’t included since we need to use the same scale for tracking. I have to wait until September to find out how much I have lost. I may have no weighing scale at home, but I got a hundreds of it at work. I’m going stir crazy here, but I’m pretty sure I’ll live.
She wants me to start doing Pilates at home, and I did start last night after my Day 2 of 30 Day Shred. I am currently doing Pilates for Dummies, which I will be posting a different entry
whining talking all about it.
For 5 weeks, my task is to do CARDIO - STRENGTH - FLEXIBILITY and of course, DIEt. bahahahahaha!
Oh, before I forget, she also said we’re gonna have lots of activities after the Ramadan season. YAY! I can’t wait - FIELD TRIP, HERE WE COME!
I just had physiotherapy session 3 a while back.
My heels, (especially the left) are really cursing at me and I’m just getting tired of acknowledging it. Such an attention seeker! I also asked the physiotherapist’s assistant if I can get scheduled 3x a week because the pain is just unbearable sometimes, not to mention Lenka (the resident PT @ Kinetico) told me that would be better and more effective. Unfortunately, the most she could do is twice a week. Since the physiotherapist could not speak in fluent English, and I could not speak in fluent Arabic, the assistant plays a very important role. Apparently, Dr. Olfaht wanted to tell me to take it down a notch. Slow down. Take it easy. Well, for someone who needs to lose half of her weight to be healthy and ideal, there are no slow downs. If I may quote Jillian Michaels,
Unless you puke, faint, or die, KEEP GOING!
So that’s what I’m gonna do. I’ll keep going.
I was supposed to blog all about my 1st physiotherapy session days ago, but I got caught up so much with work lately. Anyway, here it goes..
My feet are the only way that can help me lose weight effectively. Week 2 came (I’m currently on my Week 4 now), my ankles went wild; then my toes; then my heels; after which, the side of my knees. THEY HURT.
I was a bit scared to continue because I might cause more damage, thus making it impossible for me to lose in the long run. Fitness angel, Nouf assured me though that it’s normal, and that it will get better. Lenka, the resident physiotherapist at the gym advised me to go see a professional to get a better look at it.
I work at a hospital, and my Mom is a nurse. I know, I am blessed! It wasn’t that hard to get an appointment. The photo you are seeing above is my 1st session with Dr. Olfat, she applied what they call “electrotherapy” to both of my feet. The only english sentence I got from her is “You have flat feet.” Like I don’t know it already. Mwahahaha!
Her assistant, Laila was gracious enough to explain me things that I have no clue of, and with that I’m thankful for her. She explained to me what the therapy is about and what it does to the insides of my feet. Basically, you’re gonna feel numbness on your feet. Like a million of ants are crawling on them. But it’s not painful. :)
I will have another session again on Saturday.
WEIGH IN #3
So I have been MIA at the gym most days last week because of the flu. haha! I was actually a bit anxious in going in yesterday for the measurement taking; felt like I gained back all the first kilograms I lost. But what the heck, right? I gotta do, what I need to do. So, off to the gym I went. Oh, I almost forgot about the trip to the physiotherapist I made. I will make a different entry about it.
Arriving at Kinetico, going up the stairs meeting Nouf felt like judgement day, not to mention my heart, yet again, pounding so fast.. LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH! bahahaha!
She probably knew that I’m kinda nervous, so she took a video, had a pep talk about hair do’s and photography, how I remind her of a samurai warrior, while at the back of my mind, I see myself more as a sumo wrestler. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
She let Leila took my measurements first, and after which the weight, AND GUESS WHAT! I lost 2 kilograms. I don’t know the exact figures, because Nouf didn’t tell me; apparently, I should not know it for whatever reason she has in that witty brain of hers. But, it’s enough for me to know that I lost.
BE SORE and GO SOAR
I just realized that I’m on my Day 17, since I started my journey to a new lifestyle.. It’s a little more than half of a month already! Yes, that fast.
I’m actually feeling weak for 3 days now. My feet are being very attention seekers. They are being a pain. LITERALLY. Mornings are the WORST! I am not even kidding. My left ankle hurts from the inside, like someone is poking through it; my right ankle hurts too, but not as much. Both of my heels hurt. And my right big toe, okay, I know all my toes are big; (just to be clear) my right thumb toe feels like it needs a stretching of its own. haha! I cannot describe it, but it feels, funny - funny painful, not funny ticklish.
I made it again through the whole Spinning class yesterday! 3 consecutive days. That bike is going to get me pregnant now and we’ll have baby spinning machines, and live happily ever after. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Okay, seriously speaking.. There’s these 2 voices in my head. The first one is telling me to rest and take it down a notch with the workout, while the other one is telling me to just suck it up, do not stop, and let’s get this over with. So far, the latter is still winning, although the first one is quite convincing as well. I was actually tearing up during the Spinning class for reasons I don’t know. Yes, I’m weird like that. I was pedaling, and sweating, and the next thing I know, I’m sniffing. HORMONES, I SUPPOSE! I’m having period, so.. meh!
With Nouf away, she left my to do’s with Bandari. See, Nouf is my angel, and with her gone, I’m thankful for Bandari’s presence. It makes me feel safe. It’s like, when they’re both around, it doesn’t matter what exercise I do. Because I know, they know what’s good for me. I trust them with my life, and I love them both to tiny bits and pieces.
FIRST WEIGH IN TODAY!!
It was my 10th day working out in the gym, and 5th day on the DIEt plan, Nouf made me. After a 45 minute walk on the treadmill and a whole hour of class, it was my time to get measured. I was soooo anxious, I want to pass out. All Im thinking about, was.. I haven’t worked hard enough.
AND THEN, THE TIME CAME..
We went to the room, and Nouf made me close my eyes. I can hear the ticks of the weighing scale and God knows how much I wanted to take a peek. She has this poker face where I don’t know if my results were good or bad. She then said, “MEET ME IN THE OFFICE”
My heart was skipping so fast, I’m sure people can see it thru my shirt! *overreacting* mwahahahaha! So anyway, Nouf with Bandari (one of my thinspirations) were sitting there, with their poker faces on and I was like in the brink of tears and is ready to burst anytime. Nouf started enumerating the points and how much I’ve lost; my mind was so cloudy, I couldn’t even understand what she’s saying! But the moment I saw her all smiling while reading the report, I was tearing up again. I was so lost in the moment, that I needed to ask her one more time how much I shed. She asked me if it was worth all the pain, and I was there, just sobbing. I also ranted on how hard the DIEt was on the first few days, and the fact that she acknowledged it, told me she knows it’s hard, and asked for a hug; THATS IT! I cried even more.
Actually, I still am emotional while writing this. I just could not believe that these people who I don’t even know weeks ago are helping me in every way possible to change my life FOREVER. Why would I choose to fail, if I have all the opportunity in the world to succeed, right? NO SPACE FOR FAILURE.
PAIN IS MY WEAPON. SWEAT MEANS I’M DOING IT RIGHT. HEALTH IS MY REWARD. And like what I have always said in this blog, I WILL STOP AT NOTHING. Nouf wrote “YOU HAVE KNUCKLES OF STEEL!” on my left hand (shown above). Damn right, I do.
Even if I can’t see them yet.
Oh, and by the way, I lost: 4 kgs, 3 cm off my chest, 2 cm from the waist, 3 cm from the hips, another 3 cm from the arms, and a freaking 7cm off the thighs. that is Ms. Commitment to you. *pulls up pants*
SKINNY JEANS AND MEDIUM SIZED TEES, HERE I COME! mwahahahahaha!
DAY 7 & 8 - A Letter To My Heart
Hello! How’s it beating? Hah! You got it? I said beating, instead of going, coz it’s what you do - YOU BEAT. No? Not funny? Okay, that’s enough.
You must be wondering what the heck is happening huh? After all these years, seeing crush not counted, it’s just now that you have been pumping double time.
Well, just so you know, It has been a little more than a week now since I decided to get us healthy. You have been working very hard to keep me alive for 24 years, it’s just proper to return the favor. I know I have burdened you for so long, pumping blood isn’t easy; pumping blood so a 129 kg body can function is severe. I have been doing a lot of exercises, this past week, but Day 7 & 8 were the most hmm.. I have no words in my vocabulary to describe day 7 & 8.
Here’s what happened, yesterday, we were able to walk 45 mins at the speed of 5.2 on the treadmill. Yay, right? After that, I joined a class called Easy Line. It’s a combination of exercises for you (cardio) and air resistance activities. It was a great class, I enjoyed it, and I’m sure you did too. You were so excited, you got as high as 173 beats. Yes, I know. Nouf, our buddy gave me this thing called a Polar. It’s a gadget where I can monitor your rate. She said I need to stay between 150-160 and not higher. You take note of that, okay?
Today earlier, however, was a different story. We were able to walk 45 mins on speed 5.5 TWICE! I was struggling most of the time, but I didn’t stop. I tried on going as high as 5.8 and your rate went over 161, meaning, I needed to slow down. It’s all about you, you know.. After a total of 90 mins on the treadmill, Nouf asked if I can join Muscle Mania. I affirmed, she said I should last at least 15 mins. At the back of my mind, I was like.. “15 mins? That short? Let’s do it!” but when the class started, I never thought we can last 10. BWAHAHA! Muscle Mania is basically a mixture of cardio and power (weights). You went crazy more than 5x in there. I needed to pause and get you into your normal beating again. Would you believe that we lasted the whole class? Yup, from start to end! We didn’t leave. We were there the whole time. I was so overwhelmed that when Nouf talked to me, and told me how happy and proud she was of us, I teared up. I totally cried. I never thought we’ll make it through the end, to be honest.
Here’s what’s up now, I have no plans on stopping what I’m doing anytime. I will continue taking care of you and the rest of my body. You gotta listen to what I’m about to say: When Nouf shouts “YALAAAAAAAH!!!”, that means we gotta move. We gotta do what we need to do, okay? I need you to stay on 160 beats. YOU DON’T GO HIGHER. When Nouf shouts “GOOO!!” We go. We don’t pause. Got it?
I’m getting you stronger. Nouf said, we’re getting there.