There was this one time in June of 2012 where I just woke up sick and tired of being sick and tired, that wasn’t so long ago.
It wasn’t so long ago either that I decided, change should happen ASAP.
It was June 19th of last year when I looked like this.
It wasn’t exactly the lowest point in my life, but I was at the peak of my obesity. Fasting blood sugar levels rising off the roof, uric acid levels soaring high, triglycerides are above elevated, back pains, joint pains, everything is painful, everything is tiring.
IT JUST HAS TO STOP.
It wasn’t so long ago when I came across the people who helped me change my life.
It wasn’t so long ago when I met my fitness angel, the devil who wears Nike - Nouf.
EVERYTHING CHANGED FROM THERE.
First month wasn’t difficult. psh. IT WAS EXCRUCIATING! From bleeding toes to ankle problems. From the diet that I had to practice - foods that I never thought I’d eat.
From physio therapy sessions to occasional blood extractions
From the workouts I think I cannot do, but ended up finishing anyway. From the sweat and tears, to endorphin elation and silliness.
From one milestone after another. From one shirt size to another. I am slowly getting there.
It wasn’t all triumph and victories though. I skipped workouts, binged a couple of times, cheated with junk foods here and there, I even fell of the wagon too. Skidded waaaay down the mountain, but I didn’t stop.
There were times where I felt like, where I am is enough. Besides, I lost a bunch of kilograms anyway, right? Enough.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO SETTLE.
I PUSHED THROUGH IT, AND WILL CONTINUE PUSHING.
And so, after 365 days. After 1 freaking year, here I am.
Healthier than I have ever been.
More beautiful than I have ever been.
Happier than I have ever been.
Stronger than I have ever been.
Every pain, every teardrop, every groan and every “I’m gonna die” moment; they are worth it.
Every single effort I have done definitely changed me from the inside.
I have come this far, I can, and will go farther.
Bet your arse on it.
FOOD SHOPPING TODAY!
Quick update about my diet!
Nimal, the delivery guy from the Diet Watchers did not come by the house today. That’s because it has been a month since we signed up for their service, and it ends today.
I’m actually pretty giddy about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know there is a reason why Kinetico enrolled me with the food service. Aside from the obvious reason to get healthy and lose the weight, I assume that Salome wanted me to learn how it is to properly eat healthy.
So, about 2 or 3 days ago, I sent an email to Salome explaining to her that I think it is best not to renew the membership with the Diet Watchers for another month. It’s not because of anything else, okay? What I really want to happen is for me to learn how to incorporate what I have been learning on healthy eating for the past few months into my daily lifestyle.
I want to learn how to count calories, even if I suck at Maths.
I want to practice eating right, make it a habit and a lifestyle.
I want to explore the healthy side of cooking.
and you know what else? I want to learn, so I could teach my family how to do the same.
With this being said, I made a meal plan for the whole week. Fatma, the dietitian has decreased my daily caloric intake from the initial 1800 to 1500. I also downloaded the myfitnesspal app to help me in tracking down the calories that goes in my mouth. So, I should be good. I got this.
Oh! and by the way, my safe place, my haven opens again tomorrow after being closed for a week. YAY! Hard sweating, here I come.
PAIN - Inside and Outside
A family friend asked me if I am still having pains from working out. Haha! Pain you say?
I greet PAIN good morning everyday
I eat PAIN for breakfast
I laugh in the face of PAIN
I celebrate PAIN
PAIN is my friend
I make love with PAIN every night
See, I have learned to embrace pain. Pain is now my comfort zone. I go paranoid when I don’t feel pain. I know that without it, I’m not doing things right. I have said this before, PAIN is my weapon. Pain is my gauge that I’m still doing something.
This weight loss journey I’m on, it has taught me lots of things. People would say that, “Keep going, it will get easier.” It’s actually FALSE. WORKING OUT doesn’t get easier as we go on. Our body definitely will adapt to it, but it’s the same workout. We get better at doing it instead.
The things we do to be healthy? NOT EASY! Nothing is ever easy in fighting obesity. Nothing is ever easy in choosing to be healthy But as what Jillian Michaels said, and may I quote:
At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility.
The first time I talked to Salome from the gym, she told me that I will be in a lot of pain both on the inside, and out. SHE’S RIGHT. I have been in war with my cravings, and my hunger pangs for the longest time in my life. But you know what? The inner pride I feel after saying NO to that piece of cake my Mom made last night is self gratifying enough. Every time I shake my head with all the unnecessary food that are being given to me, I know I am choosing my health. And every time I choose my health over my love for food, I know my body is thankful.
So I tried a new home workout yesterday, it’s called WALK AT HOME with Leslie Sansone. Before I continue my raves on this video, I’d like to do a shout out thanks to Victoria of lil-miss-chubby.tumblr.com. It is from her posts that I have learned all about this amazing way to sweat.
Okay! On with the rave! I am a bit bummed out that I have not discovered about this earlier. Why? See, the pain I get from doing the treadmill is the same as what this video workout gives me. I swear, I am not even kidding. I got a hold of 2 of her video workouts - Walk Away The Pounds and 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk. I have done the latter last night, and as you can see from the photo above, my Polar indicates it’s not bad at all. Just a few hours ago, I tried the Walk Away The Pounds (4 miles) and I loved it both; very very fun to do. Not to mention, the “walkers” are aging from 20’s to 70’s making you motivated to do the whole 4 mile challenge.
You might think about it as boring. Who goes on a walk at home anyway, right? Well, guess what?! I would choose Leslie workouts over 30 Day Shred in a heartbeat, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jillian but 30DS I think, is focused on strength/power, while Leslie’a is more on cardio stuff and that is what I need.
I give 2 thumbs up for this workout home video. Okay, 4 thumbs up including my toe thumbs. You guys should try it! :)
I should be working out today.
I should have NO excuses.
I want to walk.
I want to sweat it out.
I know that if I don’t workout today, I will be in pain tomorrow. Middle east Fridays, as I have said before is the rest of the world’s SUNDAY. Even if Kinetico is closed, I normally have my Mom’s friend who can get me an access to their hospital gym. We had a plan, but she bailed out. I was upset. This is exactly what I don’t want to happen. NOWHERE TO GO. I tried walking 30 steps back and forth outside our home for a couple of minutes, just to warm my legs. I know I will be in pain again if I don’t get them working tonight, but on through my 14th minute, my Dad came out and ordered me to come in and said let today be my “rest”. I have no choice but to obey. I know my father loves me so much, I remember last week, he said: “Pag may naramdaman kang hindi maganda, hindi na kita papupuntahin sa gym” which translates to: “Once you feel something bad because of this training, I won’t let you go to the gym again”. He is that concerned, which I understand. He is a Dad, and he’s acting like one.
TODAY IS THE FIRST TIME IN 11 DAYS THAT I DIDN’T WORK OUT.
I AM SCARED.
I am scared of not being able to keep up with my weight-loss training
I am scared of losing the motivation I currently have
I am scared of giving up
I am scared of losing the care I have for my body
I am scared that if I don’t sweat in a single day, I will gain back that first 4 kgs I lost
I am scared that I won’t be able to stand by my decision to lose weight
I am scared come August because Kinetico will be closing for their yearly maintenance, and I know I will be lost
I have taken 3 steps forward, I don’t want to take 5 steps back. I am going to the gym tomorrow and work my ass off. THIS IS A MUST.
FIRST WEIGH IN TODAY!!
It was my 10th day working out in the gym, and 5th day on the DIEt plan, Nouf made me. After a 45 minute walk on the treadmill and a whole hour of class, it was my time to get measured. I was soooo anxious, I want to pass out. All Im thinking about, was.. I haven’t worked hard enough.
AND THEN, THE TIME CAME..
We went to the room, and Nouf made me close my eyes. I can hear the ticks of the weighing scale and God knows how much I wanted to take a peek. She has this poker face where I don’t know if my results were good or bad. She then said, “MEET ME IN THE OFFICE”
My heart was skipping so fast, I’m sure people can see it thru my shirt! *overreacting* mwahahahaha! So anyway, Nouf with Bandari (one of my thinspirations) were sitting there, with their poker faces on and I was like in the brink of tears and is ready to burst anytime. Nouf started enumerating the points and how much I’ve lost; my mind was so cloudy, I couldn’t even understand what she’s saying! But the moment I saw her all smiling while reading the report, I was tearing up again. I was so lost in the moment, that I needed to ask her one more time how much I shed. She asked me if it was worth all the pain, and I was there, just sobbing. I also ranted on how hard the DIEt was on the first few days, and the fact that she acknowledged it, told me she knows it’s hard, and asked for a hug; THATS IT! I cried even more.
Actually, I still am emotional while writing this. I just could not believe that these people who I don’t even know weeks ago are helping me in every way possible to change my life FOREVER. Why would I choose to fail, if I have all the opportunity in the world to succeed, right? NO SPACE FOR FAILURE.
PAIN IS MY WEAPON. SWEAT MEANS I’M DOING IT RIGHT. HEALTH IS MY REWARD. And like what I have always said in this blog, I WILL STOP AT NOTHING. Nouf wrote “YOU HAVE KNUCKLES OF STEEL!” on my left hand (shown above). Damn right, I do.
Even if I can’t see them yet.
Oh, and by the way, I lost: 4 kgs, 3 cm off my chest, 2 cm from the waist, 3 cm from the hips, another 3 cm from the arms, and a freaking 7cm off the thighs. that is Ms. Commitment to you. *pulls up pants*
SKINNY JEANS AND MEDIUM SIZED TEES, HERE I COME! mwahahahahaha!
DAY 9 - Set Back
MAJOR FRIGGIN’ SET BACK! :(
I can’t not blog about what happened today. The elation I felt about my body, was wiped out. Yesterday, I was on speed 5.5 on the treadmill and I totally made it 45 mins. Logically, next to 5.5 is 5.6, 5.7, blah blah, then 6, 6.5, right?
I was actually in good spirits coming to the gym today, excited even! I still have that HIGH feeling the night before from which I did 2 rounds of 45 mins and completed an hour class. YAY ME!
Earlier, I planned on exceeding my previous performance. I planned on going as high as speed 6. So I was warming up on 5, the plan was to increase the speed every minute until I reach the speed I want - 6! The problem was, on through my 11th minute on speed 5.5, I had this pain on my feet that I have not felt in this past 8 days in going to the gym. It was different. I know how muscle pains feel, and it doesn’t feel like it. It hurt so much that I needed to pause for a minute. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON??? I want to do it, but my feet won’t let me!
I told Nouf about it and I found out that the reason why I’m having these pains is due to NOT stretching. Which I did not try to reason with her, because it’s true. I may stretch a bit, but I’m not doing it right. She taught me the correct way, and 1 word. OUCH.
I took a drink and went back to the treadmill to DO IT AGAIN. Nouf appeared as usual like a shroom (she loves to do that) to check up on me on my 23rd minute (speed 5.2); she asked if my feet are still painful and I told her NO, which was a fact at the time. She then pushed the screen buttons and turned the speed up to 6 and told me to do it at least for 3 minutes. Normally, I try to exceed Nouf’s expectations. She told me 2 days ago to do 5.1, I made it up to 5.2; She said I should be in class for at least 15 minutes, I finished until the end. And now, all she asked was 3 minutes on speed 6 and I barely made it through, I turned down the speed on exactly 3 minutes. I FEEL LIKE I’M OFF MY GAME! RAWR! It actually felt like I haven’t accomplished anything today. I’m a bit annoyed.
UUURGH! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! *insert bad ass face here* I will go to the gym early tomorrow and do what needs to be done. After stretching, of course. Learnt my lesson.
DAY 5 & 6 - LISTENING TO MY BODY
So I have been working out for a total of 6 days now. Yesterday was my first time at SPINNING CLASS and I want to change my url to ihatespinning.tumblr.com instantly. bahaha! Nouf, in case you’re reading this, please don’t think of it as a whine, okay? It’s just me ventilating my feelings. :) So anyway, as I was saying, I tried Spinning class yesterday and I only lasted for 20 minutes. Today, I tried it again and lasted 10 minutes more than yesterday. WOOP! Hollah! My problem on this exercise is that my calves are cramping and I can’t seem to find a comfortable way to last long on the bike. But I’ll keep trying; after all, both Salome and Nouf told me that Spinning is my “bestfriend”
Kinetico has been very generous to me. Nouf gave me yesterday a Polar (for monitoring heart rate) and a Fitness and Diet Plan - which I will be posting a different entry
whining talking all about it. Again, if you’re reading this Nouf, I’m kidding, or maybe I’m not.
Just for the heads up, I made it up to 15 mins on speed 5 (treadmill). I know it isn’t much yet, but I’m so happy!!! bwahahaha. My left ankle started to hurt though on my 2nd round on treadmill, I must try and observe it more tomorrow.
DAY 3 - One step at time
I was supposed to start attending classes today, I even asked Nouf if I am allowed to join Muscle Mania the day before and got her approval. My Dad was busy this morning though, so I arrived at Kinetico a bit late; albeit Nouf was calling me to join in, I found it disrespectful not only to her, but to the other girls as well; also the fact that my toe which was murdered yesterday - I opted to do cardio on the elliptical instead.
Turned on the TV, searched for a channel, and found the movie She’s The Man. You know the one with Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum in it? Yeah, the dreamy Channing. Results? 65 minutes on the elliptical, burning 730 calories. HOLLAH! I initially set it to 45, but Channing was still on screen, what’s a girl can do, right? ON TO 65! haha.
Aside from the cardio, I am loving the Easy Line too. Basically, it’s composed of 9 equipment that you need to do for 20 counts each - SOUNDS EASY RIGHT? Engk! It’s not. I don’t know exactly what it does, but I can feel my inner thigh and stomach muscles hurt which is totally fine. It only means I’m doing it right.
I’m starting to feel the “good” vibes after workout. I guess this is what “endorphins” do. I’m having muscle pains, yes, LOTS! But I really believe this will pay off. I KNOW IT WILL.